[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Wednesday, August 18th, 2004|
Asif my world wasn't confusing enough. I feel nothing for Jordan. And my feelings are not towards Jim for once. Instead they are for Trevor, the 17 year old half brother of my best friend. The other day i was talking online with Francessa and we had the most interesting conversation. Somehow we brought Trevor into the conversation and she mentioned the fact that i said he was "hot." Well... soon enough she began telling me about what they had been talking about earlier. She kept saying that he said i was hot and cool too and even mentioned that he said if he wasn't still going out with Jessica he might hook up with me. Didn't believe a word of it. Later that night he bagan talking to me on Yahoo. Here is what had happened:
Eminem_wannabe2005: francessa told me you think i'm hot.
Eminem_wannabe2005: is it true
Psychotic_blonde03: ::whistles faster::
Eminem_wannabe2005: I'll take that as a yes
Eminem_wannabe2005: Well i think the same
Psychotic_blonde03: You think you're hot?
Eminem_wannabe2005: No, i think your hot
It goes on a while longer. The rest is mostly us telling each other how dumb we feel for not acting on our feelings and talking about the dual temptation to begin making out beneath the raft in the pool. He kept teling me how badly he wanted to "just pull me close and kiss me." I found it very flatering and am sure i was blushing the entire time. Last night he came on for a second just to say hi to me. He also virtually game me a flower and kiss. He said i was worth it. Its amazing how he can make me feel... like i'm more than i ever was. I dont think i've ever gotten that feeling from Jordan. So i'm lost in that little fantasy about when i finally go home and see him again. Other than that Coach Nault has been a slave driver lately. Louder! Shaper! More enthusiastic! You're late! Run laps! When KK was giving me a ride home yesterday we started comenting on how We had to run laps if we were late but she was always late and would never be punished. I'd like to see her run a little in her fancy designer clothes. Well I've gota go. Enjoy the hell that is earth. Current Mood: contemplative
|Thursday, August 5th, 2004|
This entry is going to be very.... Bland. I'm going to list the random events that happened. Francessa and i went to the mall today. I got some of those rubber sex bracelets and a pair of checkered shoe laces from hot topc. Twas then that i realized the pries were still as expensive in the stores as they were online, puls or minus a buck or two. And then we walked to A and N and i dropped 50 dollars in 5 minutes on three shirts and a pair of pants. Then we went Back to the mall, and back to hot topic. I found a Ramones CD i thought Jordan would love. I debated buying it but didn't. Intead we went to a CD store and i bought Ramones Mania for a dollar less. Interesting yes? Later we wnt through the corn feild over to the Family Dollar. Twas closed. So we went over to McDonalds for Ice Cream. Then we walked home in the rain. Well... like i warned... bland. Current Mood: content
|Wednesday, August 4th, 2004|
Hello Random World Dwellers. I had an interesting evening last night. Francessa and i decided to stay the night at her Grandmother's house so we could see her friend Josh. Well since we mised him walking by the first time we had to go back later. Me and Kim (Francessa's Cuz) just sort of stood there while josh stood behind francessa secretly spilling his affection around her waist. (in other words he was attempting to cuddle with her without Kim knowing. And i suppose me too but i already knew the things that had happened between them.) Soon enough we left so Josh could rest and promised to return later that night. Well, about 12 we went back out, "Just walking." we met up with him on the way to his house, Francessa having a panic attack not knowig what to do because of her feelings for her boyfriend Jon and Josh, a long time crush. And yeah. I stayed on the pourch while they sat in the yard somewhere mking out in the darkness. I sat thinking of my long time crush. Okay, its only been a year but it seems like forever... I played that song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls over and over in my head. And i decided to make a list of songs that remind me of Him. I'm going to put it on my Geocities account soon. Well... must dash. AND I DO LOVE YOU COURTNEY! i'm just forgetful... you know that you silly tart you! Current Mood: ecstatic
|Friday, July 30th, 2004|
Hehehe... I'm in virginia right now! Its uber fun! I had to ride like three planes to get here. The first was boreing but the second was okay. When i stopped in detroit it was like fuckin 5 in the morning and my flight wasn't till 9:30 that morning so one of the agents (i was traveling as an minor or "UM" so they escort you to your flights) and took me to this Room for kids to wait. The airport was huge! They have a tram to take you to different sections of the airport and like this tunnel thingy to section b. But yeah. And then i came here and the bitch security was givin Mrs. Shawne problems so it took a while for me to meet up with her. And then i met trevor. He's francessa' half brother. He's 17. And hot. hehe... anyways... We had soooooo much fun today at the mall. We brought trever and he must have been soooo boerd but it was fun. I got two t-shirts from Pac sun, a cookie monster shirt like m elmo one and a lost ducky shirt like my lost penguin one. And i got my chucks. And i got some really cool over the knee black n red striped socks. They'll be soooooooooo warm in the upcomming winter. But yeah. OOoh, and i know it wasn't on my list but i got a dress for next years snow ball. Its really bretty. Its a deep blue and it has sparkley designs all over and it and its a halter style. I'm guna sew up the front a little because it's pretty low but it should be good. And the best part is, i got it or 15 bucks. And we bought glittery "Al Capone Gangster" hats and walked around saying hi to random strangers. but yeah. Hehehe... Last night Francessa made it sound like we were lesbians because she was like, "I'm going to bed marisa. I'll be waiting...." Hehehe we were supposed to act like that around mike n jon to get back at them for doin it to her but yeah. Okay, well gota go! Chow! Current Mood: hyper
|Saturday, July 24th, 2004|
|The Return of Meatloaf
A while ago i saw this movie called Black Top on HBO. And there was this Guy. His name was MeatLoaf. I found it hilarious. And i always have had a thing for Tim Curry, so when i found out he was in the Rocky Horror Picture Show... I had to see it. So, i forced my mom to rent it while we were at Blockbuster. It was Great! Its like this Odd musical with a Bunch of Transvestites. I loved the way those two amish farmer looking people were saying "Janet" In that one song in the begining. And then there's The Time Warp. Hahaha... I can so see myself forming a Cult of my friends around That movie and getting in groups and dressing up and acting it out much like the people used to do. (My mom and my aAunts and Uncles Did it...) That would probably work. I've already gotten everyone hooked on Special K. But yeah. Well.. My AOL is fucking up so i'll write about the fish i caught (My forst!) today latter when i edit this or add another or something. Current Mood: chipper
|Thursday, July 15th, 2004|
I went with my Parents to watch the third Harry Potter film. Daniel Radcliffe has somehow gotten hotter than he was a year and a half ago. I hear he's fourteen, and likes soccer. Definatly my new celeberty crush. It used to be Jermey Sumpter and still kind of is. But enough about that. The film was very good. I have come tr realize that Emma Watson isn't that bad of an actress after all. I mean she's still not that great but her acting skills have improved since the last film. Daniel does need to learn how to cry on cue though. Even I can do that. They had this one part where he was letting out these crying sounds from benieth the invisability cloke and when it was taken off his face was hardly convincing. But he's hot so we must forgive him. And i noticed the actor who potrays Neville Longbottom looks sort of like my Swettie. I forgot to call him today, and it now being 11:06 i supose it's to late. I hope he can go to the Movies Saturday. I haven't seen him in like a week or so. Yesterday i found out he was friends with Pat, seemingly the only cool person at my brother's first party. It was fun, i was like, "Are you cheating on me with a man?" Somehow it turned into him and Ryan Kober, and then him and Pat again and then he amited it sarcasticly. I was like, Great! My boyfriend just admited he was a Homosexual. Man this sucks." Or something like that. OoOh... I think I made the cheer squad. Yay for me! She hasn't formally announced me as one but she did list me as one of the team while placing at practice. Current Mood: hungry
|Monday, July 12th, 2004|
|I just wish it would end...
"And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yhea you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am."
-Goo Goo Dolls, Iris
::Sigh:: Current Mood: lonely
|Wednesday, July 7th, 2004|
|I love him...
I had so much fun yesterday. But i got in trouble so i couldn't write about it last night because I got introuble. Well, i didn't do much during the early day but sleep and practice. (Cant wait till practice to night...) Oh, but i did go hiking with Christine's Youth Group. It was fun. Justine and Pagie were there. Both very cool people. Well, we went out to Fort Abercrombie and hiked out to the beach and then we went climbing on all the rocks. I almost fell in, it was hilarious. But then we went back and like an hour after i go home Christine called wanting to go to Millbay Beach. So i was like sure. Then my loveable boyfriend called and wanted to go to walmart and i told him to meet us at the beach. Well I left the house and ran into Christine and Jeffery, her little brother, and then we went and got Delisa. We met up with Jordan in the usual spot by the trees and the "See-Saw," which is really just a broken old picnic table. Then travis and his ass holey little friend (who was cute... God and i was thinking that while with jordan. 0.o I'm so bad...)showed up and then we went down to the water and i just went in to my ankles at first. (It was extremely cold by the way.) My moronic friends thought it would be funny to throw me in and so they did. Well, freezing and wet, i got out and went and sat next to Jordan. (His hair is growing back by the way... ^.^) And then oddly enough Travis gave me his Towel he had in his bag from when he and his friend "Buddy," (What a fuckin retarded name...) Were at island lake swimming. But yeah When travis left i asked if he wanted his towel but he couldn't hear me his music was up so loud. Buddy told him and he said something like, "What color is it?"
"No, I do't like white people."
We were like, 'what the fuck?' Then buddy told him we were talking about the towel and he goes, "Sorry, i thought you were talking about my brother..."
What an odd little cabbage. Merde! Mon Petite Cho Cho! (Brendan's infamous quote, "Shit! My little cabbage!") But yes. Speaking of Brendan, I hit him in the head with a rock when he called me a man and Busted his ass when he tried stealing jordan's bike. Jeffery kept making comments about how me and jordan were the perfect couple because we were both psychotic... Ass hole. Anyway, then we went to delisa's so she could change, then Spaz's house so she could, then finally to my house so i could. My parents yelled at me for being late. I didn't have a fucking time to be home! Spaz was the one who asked her if i could go, and she didn't mention a time... Anyways, now i'm stuck at home for the day with the exception of Cheerleading practice. So, must go practice some more! Latta. Current Mood: Cheerleady
|Monday, July 5th, 2004|
My mom says i'm sick. When she said that.. i just broke down. I sat there gazing with tears streaming down my cheeks; realizing that it was true. I knew i was bad. Not the worst but bad. I knew i had depression but i didn't think i was sick in the head. I thought i was just sad. Sad and down and lonely. Not ill. Not like a crazy person. My mom asked why Delisa always got me down and why i always got headaches when i was around her. She asked what all ways had her down. I said she has alot of trouble with guys and what not. I think it was then i realized that her problems weren't as bad as i took them to be. But she also has more. Like how alot of people who are turning against her and what not. And her mom finding out that they snuck out and were smoking at Diane's house... But thats pretty much it. She said i might not be able to go see Francessa because i might have another "Episode," like the one i had on Saturday when Delisa got mad at me. I pointed out that it was only when i was around Delisa. She said herself that i did't act get like that when i'm around Spaz. Her reply was, "Like it was only with Courtney?" I felt the need to slap her and run away. If you were about to lose one of your best friends wouldn't you feel a little depressed? And that was relly just a big trigger. I was depressed before that too... Anyway.. i must burden you no longer. Bye. Current Mood: insane
|Sunday, July 4th, 2004|
I feel so bad right now. All i can think about is *him*. I listen to the same song over and over again, stairing at his picture realizing how pathetic i am for still thinking about him a year later. I have a great Boyfriend. One who's super nice and sweet and fun and totaly cares for me. And... Last week he didn't call me at all... The whole time, i didn't wven think of him; but the boy i was infatuated by last summer. I really miss him and i haven't a decent reason why. I mean he was so perfect. He was nice, friendly, funny, and had the most amazing eyes i'd ever seen. I feel so bad for Jordan. He deserves more than a girl who spends her time thinking about another guy. Why must i sit here, my face in tears thinking of him? I wish it would end... Current Mood: depressed
|Saturday, July 3rd, 2004|
Life is so odd. Its good and bad at the same time. Yay! I have a boyfriend! Shit! He's probably contemplating a break up! See? Why is life so cruel? And its not just that. Christine and Ryan started going out but when Delisa finds out she'll lothe Christine even more and i'll be stuck in the middle. And My parents are telling me I'm going to see Francessa but they have yet to make travel reservations. But anyways, I havent got a clue what to say. My life is pretty uneventful at the moment. Good news though, I'm quitting one of my worst habits. You shoujld know which one that is. Oh, and i found grape juice helps control my craving for red wine. Well, I'm out. Current Mood: blank